Teel,
You didn't do as bad as all that-, IMO---this IS a rotten time.
Calm yourself with the memory that you did make a core statement of faith to these men whether or not you shouted or lost your temper.
You said that you did not break your promise to Jehovah. You are working hard to keep it.
They are NOT (supposed to be)MASTERS OF YOUR FAITH--but they certainly are not fellow workers for your joy.
Even if we struggle and fall God is able to make us stand .
They may rob your peace for a little while , but not forever. They don't have a clue how faith works--All they have is the mechanics of a messed up religion.
They can't give faith and they can't take it away.
When things are this painful we act crazy sometimes. But don't lose heart over it.
I'll pray for you to find your peace. We all need that.